Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Dreams...w(h)ither dreams
I have always thought I do not know what I want. So I asked others if they suffered from the same ignorance. Some said we were in the same boat. But many others said they knew what they wanted, but could not pursue it for fear of hurting those who are close to them.
Is it justified to forgo one's dreams so that people around do not get hurt? Is it not in some ways a treachery to one's own purpose in life? Where does one draw the line between 'my wants' and 'the results of my wants'? Till when do I think about how my actions will hurt those around me? Till when do I hold my dreams ransom to those of others? To social compulsions, family traditions, peer pressure? Aren't all of these in the long run, some kind of social constructs that we create and we can dismantle at will?
How sacred are these external impulses that we internalise? How sacred is anything? For that matter how sacred are our dreams?
Friday, October 23, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Love's labour lost
Flap flip flap
The bird has flown the nest.
On a bright, sunny day, when the heat decays everything it touches,
The bird has flown its nest after years of breathing, living, growing.
The egg had hatched on a cold night in March…Yes, there used to be cold nights in March not so long ago.
The tiny bird came out, wary of everything and everyone around.
It was happy to be alive and out of a cramped, limiting shell.
It learned to breathe on its own,
But did not know its nature was to fly. It ate what came its way
From the warm embraces on hot, humid afternoons to the loving gazes across the greens.
It fed on the long walks through eternity
On debates from God, to theatre to sex
It did not judge, did not grudge and did not budge.
It lived as it thought it should.
There were some who told it to learn to fly for it would have to fly some day.
It scoffed at their ignorance.
After all, not every bird flies, some
Soar and others
Glide and still others become
One with the breeze that threatens to destroy them
So our little bird was content in what it saw as the essence of its life.
There were fights with its conscience, some with the world,
There were long distances within itself, paces to be covered in so little time.
It learned to make the most of what it was given.
Gradually, the world became more important than its own conscience.
There were voices in its head.
And these voices were different from the voices that had questioned what people had always told it.
About flying, fighting and fearing.
It started learning new meaningless things such as
Fear – of parting and not being able to live after that
Pain – of separation and inability to balance between the voices within and those outside
Guilt – of not being able to fulfil expectations and not being able to accept limitations
Doubt – about itself and its abilities and its potential
Envy – of everything around that seemed happy as it thought it could never be
These feelings became a burden. Yet the long summer nights and the short winter days,
The hours spent away from the world discovering itself,
The effort put in to adjust, accommodate and understand kept it from falling apart.
But in secret, the bird taught itself to fly.
So that when the Moment came, its skills would not be found wanting.
And in secret, it kept waiting for the Moment.
It kept looking for the Moment,
Lived anticipating it
Preparing for it
So much so that when the Moment finally came, it did not realise when it flapped its wings and flew, glided and soared.
But from that distance, when the delirium of the wings it had taken died, it looked down on what was left behind.
In a split second, that cold night of March came back into view.
Along with it came the years it had spent dreaming, daring and Living in defiance of the Voices Outside.
It saw what it had once owned and had now lost.
It saw the essence of its being, and how far behind it had left its soul.
And in that split second, the Earth and the Heavens did not stay still.
The Earth kept spinning around the Sun and the Heavens kept rumbling
The bird forgot to flap its wings.
The memory of its past life caught up with its future and brought its present to the ground.
And in that moment, the bird lived and died its destiny.
Random thoughts II
I have come such a long way from myself that I have lost sense of direction.
Now, I don’t know along which turn I left myself
Or how to go back to who I was.
But it doesn’t matter does it?
It seems to be such an impossible thing to lose oneself.
After all, I must be the sum of my experiences.
So all the turns I took would eventually lead me to my destiny.
No matter how far I run, where I hide, and what mask I don
My destiny will find me.
After all, this is Kali Yuga.
I have to receive my punishment and award here and now
Before Yama comes for me
Before I become one with the universe that bore me
Before I embark on the next journey
Towards my nirvana, my destiny.
